Top CDs off the rack (Part 2)

"When you'd hide your songs would die, so I'd hide yours in mine." - Remy Zero

Hot Fuss
The Killers
2004

1. Jenny Was a Friend of Mine
2. Mr Brightside
3. Smile Like You Mean It
4. Somebody Told Me
5. All These Things That I've Done
6. Andy, You're a Star
7. On Top
8. Change Your Mind
9. Believe Me Natalie
10. Midnight Show
11. Everything Will Be Alright
12. Glamorous Indie Rock & Roll

They remind me a lot of the bright neon lights in Las Vegas. Showgirls. Drag queens. Cancan dancers. The likes. I have no idea why. Queer as Folk comes into mind too. Emmett. Hah. Brandon Flowers wears eyeliners. What a peculiarly funny family name. The point is, he might be the reason I have such imageries for their music. His voice somewhat resembles a transsexual “shim” performing in some fancy restaurant in Las Vegas. Flashing neon lights and tap dancers – clickity click – in tuxedoes with top hats and canes. Showgirls with high heels and big big orange feathered fans. Peacocks. Big plastic smiles. Something like that. I have always liked eyeliners. Regardless of the makeup on guys, really. Brandon’s animated eyes burn deep in my mind.

Frankly, I do not know where they are heading with their lyrics. For most of the bands out there, you know the kind of songs they sing. What and who they sing about. Break-ups, nasty ex-girlfriends, memories of yesteryear, you know. For The Killers, it remains unclear. Imageries I create for each song are quite random. They might not even mean the same thing as what the songs are talking about. I have learned their lyrics by osmosis. I listen to their album often while being stuck in traffic jams. Eventually, patterns of words form in your head and things start to figure themselves out. You do not need to huddle over a CD sleeve with lyrics printed in it. I learn the words to sing. Yet I do not know what they mean most of the time.

Maybe someone died in Jenny Was a Friend of Mine – homicidal or suicidal: “And then you whisper in my ear / I know what you’re doing here” and “There ain’t no motive for the crime / Jenny was a friend of mine”. Or maybe, it was just a break-up: “We took a walk that night but it wasn’t the same / We had a fight on the promenade out in the rain / She said she loved me but she had somewhere to go / She couldn’t scream while I held her close / I swore I’ll never let her go”. Offering some wisdom mixed with a tint of regret in Smile Like You Mean It: “Save some face, you know you’ve only got one / Change your ways while you’re young / Boy, one day you’ll be a man / Oh girl, he’ll help you understand”. Tired of life in All These Things That I’ve Done: “Another headache, another heartbreak / I’m so much older than I can take / And my affection, well it comes and goes / I need direction to perfection”.

Other times, I do not know what the story is about. “Somebody told me you had a boyfriend / Who looked like a girlfriend / That I had in February of last year” in Somebody Told Me. “It’s just a shimmy and a shake, uh huh / I can’t fake, we’re on top” and “It’s like a cigarette in the mouth / Or a handshake in the doorway” in On Top. “This is your last chance to find / A go-go dancer to disco now” in Believe Me Natalie. For me, it is really hard to pinpoint their destination. Even though it is clear, the jig of their music just sort of goes the other way, perplexing you a little. Their difference is what keeps me coming back.

I love Mr Brightside. What is not to love about him? He is my tragic doom; the song got me into an accident for being too uppity with it. I even name my laptop Mr Brightside. Yes, I name my gadgets. No, not my shoes. Somebody Told Me is the first single off their album but Mr Brightside is the one to catch my heart. Something to do with their music video too actually. Girls lifting skirts revealing panties and asses. You cannot go wrong with that. OK, I was kidding. What caught me for sure is the catchy rhythm and Brandon’s wonderful voice. He has a good voice that belches deep from the appropriate places. You can sense their music from miles away because of him. Best lyric: “Swimming through sick lullabies”. Like honey on your lips. Kiss me.

Their musical direction is different from the bands I am used to. It has something to do with including a synthesizer along with the usual guitars and drums. It creates a diverse feel towards their music. Their songs do some weird moves on you. Something that makes your legs twitches to the beat. If the drug is consumed too much, the anatomy may need a spacious ground to dance around, jump around. It happens. Just be careful listening to their album while driving.

They have done a very good job for a debut album. Most bands do not come out right with their first one before gaining talents for the next one. How will they perform in their next album, we shall anticipate.

Songs About Jane
Maroon 5
2002

1. Harder to Breathe
2. This Love
3. Shiver
4. She Will Be Loved
5. Tangled
6. The Sun
7. Must Get Out
8. Sunday Morning
9. Secret
10. Through With You
11. Not Coming Home
12. Sweetest Goodbye

In my opinion, Adam Levine is a good looking fellow. I have an instant attraction to guys with spiky hair. That was how he entered the scene. It may be some unwritten law of sorts in the world of hairstyling. Most of the guys out there, after wearing much of gelled up spikes, they proceed to shaving their heads GI style. Adam did so. I am not one to like shaved heads, to be honest. It seems too empty. However, sometimes it works on some people. It works on Adam when he switched looks at Maroon 5’s peak days. I suspect it is the aura he carries around.

That aside, it is his talent. My CD store guy highly recommended Maroon 5 when I went into his store one not so special day asking for their album. He raved it like no other. I wanted it. So here I am. My car stereo has recognised the CD well enough to copulate with it and have many beautiful babies.

Adam has a distinguishable and bright voice that stays in your head like a haunting nightmare. I love singing along with him. His muse is his ex-girlfriend, Jane. The album’s muse is his ex-girlfriend, Jane. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure it out; look at the album title. Such superiority she holds to conceive such brilliant work after everything has been said and done. I have always considered girls with songs (or albums) named after them. Such impact they caused on these masculine souls. Will I be of such painful/pleasurable memory?

When this happens, the songs are about Jane. And you do know in between the lines, Adam is singing about sex hidden well behind pretty words. Just like those pop boy bands out there, only in a slightly more matured way because you yourself have grown up. You see things more clearly now. Unlike, pop songs. You were young and you sang songs on top of your lungs and crooned along with the leads without knowing what the lyrics truly mean. Do that again now that you have grown, you will realise oh how so gullible you were singing about the desire to bed a girl. When the truth dawns: Oh shit. You were so innocent. Their music videos – This Love and She Will be Loved – have the most constant censorship ever it is ridiculous. The videos are practically rearranged and alleged sexual scenes are overlapped by other scenes making the videos a fucked up broken record. What is the point? Just do not air the video at all, fucktwats.

This Love carries the language of body language the strongest: “I tried my best to feed her appetite / Keep her coming every night / So hard to keep her satisfied” and “My pressure on her hips / Sinking my fingertips / Into every inch of you / ‘Cause I know that’s what you want me to do”. Do not ever tell your 9-year-old brother what he is singing during karaoke sessions.

Songs for Jane it is. Each song carries a different phase of Adam’s relationship with Jane. Before, during, after. Shiver, the arousing tease: “Immobilised by the thought of you / Paralysed by the sight of you / Hypnotised by the words you say / Not true but I believe them anyway”. She Will Be Loved, the confident promise: “Tap on my window knock on my door / I want to make you feel beautiful” and “My heart is full and my door’s always open / You can come anytime you want”. Harder to Breathe, the reluctant surrender: “Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat / Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did” and “Does it kill / Does it burn / Is it painful to learn / That it’s me that has all the control” and “Does it thrill / Does it sting / When you feel what I bring / And you wish that you had me to hold”. Secret, the silent affair: “I ask you how hot can it get / And as you wipe off beats of sweat / Slowly you say ‘I’m not there yet'”. Tangled, the guilty courtship: “You’re just an innocent / A helpless victim of a spider’s web / And I’m an insect / Going after anything that I can get”. Must Get Out, the momentary recess: “Try to guide me in the right direction / Making use of all this time / Keeping everything inside / Close my eyes and listen to you cry”. Sunday Morning, the hopeful comfort: “Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm / Change the weather still together when it ends” and “Singing someday it’ll bring me back to you / Find a way to bring myself back home to you”. Through With You, the reverse psychology card: “Do you remember the way we used to melt / Do you remember how it felt when I touched you / Oh ‘cause I remember very well” and “Heartache heartache I just had so much / A simple love with a complex touch”. Sweetest Goodbye, the sexual finale: “I’ll never leave you behind or treat you unkind / I know you understand / And with a tear in my eye / Give me the sweetest goodbye / That I ever did receive”. The Sun, the haunting demon: “The rhythm of her conversation / The perfection of her creation / The sex she slipped into my coffee / The way she felt when she first saw me” and “But I cannot forget, refuse to regret / So glad I met you / Take my breath away / Make everyday worth all of the pain that I have gone through”.

It is a sad song.

Adam holds something morbid in between his disguised words. Granted things can get in the line of pop and commercialism when it comes to Maroon 5. With Adam in the lead, it tends to sway towards the genres of R&B and Hip Hop. Yet, deep down, there is a sustaining animosity peeking over the shoulders. There is a wailing heartbreak muffled yet wanting out at the same time. Such contradiction.

It is a perfect gift for your ex. It is not enough to just pick a song or two from the album because you know each song speak a special moment somewhere along the journey. Maybe there is no such thing as ending with a bad note. Just a matter of singing it with the appropriate tone.

 

The Madding Crowd
Nine Days
2000

1. So Far Away
2. Absolutely (Story of a Girl)
3. If I Am
4. End Up Alone
5. Sometimes
6. Bob Dylan
7. 257 Weeks
8. Bitter
9. Back to Me
10. Crazy
11. Revolve
12. Wanna Be

Nine Days never would have gained popularity if not for Story of a Girl. Once in a blue moon, I will still hear the song airing on the radio stations for some nostalgic reasons. The whole world fucking loves them because of that song. They were a one hit wonder indeed. Although I have to say If I Am did a better job for me. Yes, it is the music video once again. I love the concept that binds close to the lyrics a little too literally. Favourite lyrics: “The answers we find are never what we have in mind / So we make it up as we go along / You don’t talk of dreams and I won’t mention tomorrow / We won’t make those promises that we can’t keep”. The song did not do as well as the previous and soon after, their name just dissipated into thin air, disappearing as quickly as they have first appeared. I bought their album for reasons I fail to know. They have a sophomore album but nobody really notices.

I feel comfortable with this band. There is nothing really spectacular or out of the ordinary with their music or lyrics. It is just normalcy and we all need something close to a flatline in our lives sometimes. Their music grabs you with their simple voices of humble beginnings and modesty. Their lyrics roll off tongues as easy as licking ice cream on a sweltering day and it sticks in the mind as sticky as melted ice cream oozing down crunchy cones onto childish fingers.

“If you leave where will you go / Before the regret you hold in your heart will start to show / If you leave how will you know / If our ever after ever had a chance to grow” from So Far Away. “Saw her running barefoot but the ground there never touched her feet / Watched her in the shadows while the tide came in and claimed our beach” from End Up Alone. “Hard to see past the window facing forward looking back / Over years spent tracing wondering how you left your track / Under water breathing burns your lungs and breaks your back / And you could be waiting right here for a day that won’t come” from 257 Weeks. “I want to drink deep from your well / I want to be the heart for which you fell / I want to be your shooting star / Across the heavens to be where you are” from Revolve. To name a few from my favourites.

However, it is not one album I would totally recommend to get. I mean, it is good to have it in your collection if ever you need something close to mundane and normal. It is just not a must-have before you die, in my opinion. Their music works, their lyrics click; they are mellow, they are OK.

 

Spiderman 2 Soundtrack
2004

1. Vindicated
2. Ordinary
3. Did You
4. Hold On
5. Gifts and Curses
6. Woman
7. This Photograph is Proof (I Know You Know)
8. Give It Up
9. Lucky You
10. Who I Am
11. The Night That The Lights Went Out in NYC
12. Meant to Live
13. We Are
14. Someone to Die For
15. Spidey Suite
15. Doc Ock Suite
16. She Spider

This is probably one of the best rock compilation soundtracks out there. I have never come across such perfected combination of rock songs. If this compilation is a creation of a full fledge bachelor, I will date this boy and fuck him silly. My very own rockstar.

I doubt I heard all the songs in the movie. I love the movie, by the way. I may have watched it in the cinemas more than once. I always tend to do that to my favourite movies. I have watched Konstantine in the cinemas three times, Revenge of the Sith twice on consecutive days and Return of the King seven times (excluding the times I watched at home). But I remember picking up the CD while I was browsing an awesome CD store in Singapore while I was down there for Linkin Park’s concert. And I remember thinking, “Fuck, this shit is fucking good!” I purchased the good shit probably a few dollars more expensive after conversions. But hey, it is worth the money. Good CDs (a.k.a good shits) are always worth an extra dollar or two. Or three. Or five. Or a hell lot more.

This is an album of all things punk rock and emo goodness. Dashboard Confessional and Taking Back Sunday, two of the most renowned emo rock bands are featured in this album so you cannot go wrong with it. Emo-wise. “Hope dangles on a string like slow spinning redemption”. Vindicated started off the soundtrack just right with such beautifully disastrous words. Almost halfway through the album, the lead’s voice broke in This Photograph is Proof. That was probably one of the best things I love hearing from this album. Such flaw is of such originality in its finest way.

Honestly, as much as I love Switchfoot, I do not approve of Mean to Live in this album. I do not know why. It just does not seem to fit in with the rest. The song seems to work better leading the pack of The Beautiful Letdown. I always find myself skipping that particular track. The music video sucks too. I like the original video better, where they sang in a room broken down by someone anonymous and jarring golden lights were conflicting with the cameras. However, Switchfoot can never go wrong with perfect lyrics. “Maybe we’ve been living with our eyes half open / Maybe we’re bent and broken” and “We were meant to live for so much more / Have we lost ourselves”

Have we?

Ana Johnsson’s We Are became an instant favourite to those who have heard it on television and the radio. In due’s time, it was commercialised and everyone labelled themselves for being a tragedy interpreting the song in their very own way. Basically, I think the song did good justice of the state the world has become of nowadays. And how humanity is not taking credit for all that it has done wrong. It is nature that we do not admit mistakes but instead find someone else to blame for. All our life it is a sick cycle carousel, pointing fingers at people every six degrees apart. However, the blame comes back in full circle because it is like fate’s serendipity for two meant to be couple. The blame is your lover. How ever can you hide? “What about the world today / What about the place where we called home / We’ve never been so many / And we’ve never been so alone” and “You wash your hands and you come out clean / You fail to recognise the enemies within / You say we’re not responsible / We are, we are”.

Did You by Hoobastank was a well-loved one too. I was one of the few people who were quite disappointed when they did not perform that track in their concert I attended a few years back. The guitar solos were mind-blowing and the lyrics were real meaningful and inspiring. Like a get-up-and-do-something-today-dammit kind of song. “Did you inspire the ones who knew you / Make a difference to those who knew you / Did you finally figure out what it is that makes us who we are today”.

Yellowcard’s Gifts and Curses: “Mary’s alive in the bright New York sky / The city lights shine for her / Above them I cry for her”. I have always loved songs about cities, just like I have always fallen in love with underground subways. It is the only crowded place I can tolerate and be in. Busy people with places to go. Yes, we are alone.

The ultimate emo song vocal-wish will definitely go to Someone to Die For by Jimmy Gnecco and Brian May. Geez. Someone cut them open and pour out the bloody black soul.

I love love love Mew’s She Spider. I have always been attracted to Mew’s musical directions. Their drums are strong and rhythms are electronic. Their lyrics are marvellous. “In right wing fashion we’ll nurture xenophobia / And be strong / In right wring fashion with paste and generosity / Because no one is safe / From someone’s somewhere’s sweet embrace”.

Other than that. “And when I come to the rescue I get nothing but left behind / Everybody seems to be getting what they need, where’s mine” from Ordinary by Train. The swooning voice of Adam Levine strikes again in Woman: “Leaving your smell on my coat / Leaving your taste on my shoulder / I still fail to understand what it is about this woman”. And as mentioned before in my previous entry, The Night The Light Are Out in NYC by The Ataris: “If I could have one wish tonight / I’d wish upon a satellite / And bring me back to you”.

This is definitely a soundtrack to get if this is the genre you are all for. Never mind if you find the movie awkward or distasteful. It does not have anything to do with the movie, really. Just pay attention to the songs. It is enough.

And as the local saying goes: “Jiwang sial”.

 

Garden State Soundtrack
2004

1. Don't Panic
2. Caring is Creepy
3. In the Waiting Line
4. New Slang
5. I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You
6. Blue Eyes
7. Fair
8. One of These Things First
9. Lebanese Blonde
10. The Only Living Boy in New York
11. Such Great Heights
12. Let Go
13. Winding Road

Rachel is the main reason I checked out the movie and soundtrack. She loves the movie a lot and straight after that, she raved about the wonderful soundtrack. So, I checked out the movie and loved it myself. I bought the soundtrack and fell deeply in love with it.

I will admit that it was not love at first listen for this album. It took me some time and some nurturing to get the love growing. Half of the time I was not paying attention to the songs. I will also admit that half of the artistes featured in this album are foreign to me. Sure, I am all for independent music but I am still an amateur in finding out about them. By the time I have heard of said indie artistes, they may have already hit commercialism with the tip of their toes. Shame on me.

In The Waiting Line by Zero 7. I have only heard two more tracks by Zero 7 – Destiny and Somersault. These songs – or shall we say Zero 7 herself - remind me a lot of the queen-sized bed bathed in soft orange light in my hotel room while visiting Taiwan. I fell asleep and dreamed so easily curled up in the too big of a bed, as if heavily drugged with ecstasy. She shoots you up to a far away galaxy. You may not want to return. Ever.

Fair by Remy Zero. I learned to love this song very very much. Granted what I have heard of them is slim to none but I am liking what I have heard so far. And by far, this is my favourite song. The lyrics are wonderful. I can feel the lead holding his heart out and singing close to the microphone, eyes closed savouring the caramel taste on the tip of his tongue. “So what if you catch me, where would we land / In somebody’s life for taking his hands / Sing to me hope as she’s thrown on the sand / All of our work is rated again”. As quoted above to be my favourite lines: “When I was sure you’d follow through / My world was turned to blue / When you’d hide your songs would die / So I’d hide yours in mine”. The mellow tone. The flattering words. The tranquil guitar strums. Fall in love again.

Colin Hay is heart wrenching in I Just Don’t Think I’ll Ever Get Over You. Period. “If I live till I was 102 / I just don’t think I’ll ever get over you”. His breaking aged voice and simple chords to support his sincere words of a past love so strong it is impossible to forget. How life is never the same anymore when the lover is gone. How even though it is degraded to mere regularity nothing is ever normal. How ever so kind he is to tell the lover to move on, it is alright, he can still make it with what is left of this bandaged heart. Don’t worry. Don’t worry. This song finds my way home after classes on cold evenings, hiding me under a jumper and a thick scarf. My mind hears a distant voice singing along with Colin once upon a time in an old car basked in orange glow. “Your face it dances and it haunts me / Your laughter’s still ringing in my ears / I still find pieces of your presence here / Even after all these years”. This song has been insignificant to me until it grew a face and ingrained a bright voice in my veins. He makes an unrelated song thicker than water to me.He makes me cry at times. Most of the time. Almost every time.

The Shins with the quirky lyrics: “Hail to your dark skin / Hiding the fact you’re dead again / Underneath the power lines seeking shade / Far above our heads are the icy heights that contain all reason” in Caring is Creepy. “Gold teeth and the curse of the town were all in my mouth” and “New slang with you notice the stripes / The dirt in your fries / Hope it’s right when you die / Old and bony” and “God speed all the bakers at dawn / May they all cut their thumbs / And bleed into their buns till they melt away” in New Slang along with boring tambourines and cheesy croons. How cute.

Other favourites are Blue Eyes by Cary Brothers, One of These Things First by Nick Drake, Let Go by Frou Frou and Winding Road by Bonnie Sommerville.

Simplified music held up high merely by the two weak arms of the guitar strings.

This album suits real well alongside the movie. I must say, Zach Braff did a pretty good job producing the movie and compiling these songs for it as well. If you are all for the spontaneity and originality of the movie, I am sure you will love this soundtrack as much too.

"You gotta hear this song. It'll change your life, I promise you."

Top CDs off the rack (Part 1)

"Look outside the FM dial, they're preaching lies in 4/4 time." - The Ataris

Let me redeem myself from the lameness of the previous post with the salvatory of more vanity. This time, fail attempted reviews of my favourite CDs I own by far. I am not a good reviewer and be forewarn that I will be bias here. They are my favourites after all. For the next six entries to come, you will have my (almost) collection. Arranged without a specific order. Cover picture and playlists included. Enjoy. Or not.

The theme for this post: Emo.

Move Along
The All-American Rejects
2005

1. Dirty Little Secret
2. Stab My Back
3. Move Along
4. It Ends Tonight
5. Change Your Mind
6. Night Drive
7. 11.11PM
8. Dance Inside
9. Top of the World
10. Straitjacket Feeling
11. I'm Waiting
12. Can't Take It
13. Night Drive (Acoustic)

Their marvellous comeback after their first self-titled album. I had fun with Swing Swing and The Last Song. I have yet to get the album although it has been sitting on my to-get list for the longest time. They got me once again with the first single off their second album, Dirty Little Secrets. The catchy guitar introduction followed with a fullblown entrance by the entire band. I must say their music video was one to catch my eyes. At times, I find myself interested in a particular song just because of its kickass video. This song works both ways. If you have not seen the video, it was a series of anonymous secrets on postcards posted on the (in)famous website PostSecret. I do check out the site regularly and I have the link on the right side over there. I got especially interested when I saw the “I had gay sex at a church camp three times.” It was censored back in Malaysia but I was one of the lucky few to catch the video when it first premiered and the censorship board has yet to spot the boo-boo.

This is one of those typical emo bands out there singing about breakup issues and how the girls are not treating the guys right. Which makes you wonder. So, we girls here complain how the guys suck big time ass and totally get what these bands are singing about. These bands are mostly guys. So, how come we do not cross paths? I mean, if someone up there would just put us out of our miseries and drop us on the same side of the Earth for once so we can cry over our shattered hearts, put sticky Band-Aids over the wounds and live happily emo after. We would have more happier songs to listen to and our friends will not have to suffer our “woe is me” attitudes.

It is the same old story all over again – just because someone up there will not cut us any slacks – only with renewed words and a sharper knife to stab your heart a little deeper. The lead singer has a unique voice and it is one of the trades that will definitely get me. Bands with a lead with a voice I can distinguish without asking the counter girl who the heck is this band. This one sings as though any minute now his voice is going to break and you will hear him coughing with the remaining of the song. But he does not. His voice works well with the memorable guitar rifts, catchy basses and improvised percussion sequences. The combination just makes you want to nod your head real hard and into the rock spirit – yes, throw in a cheesy rock sign if you want to be obvious – for those fast pace and upbeat songs. Dirty Little Secrets, Move Along, specifically Night Drive (Gotta love the catchy rhythmic beats) and Top of the World are the unforgettable ones.

If the lead is not out to expose you to the world how ridiculous you look with your iPod plugged on, he is out to break your heart. Yes, you see this coming. They are a Punk Rock emo band, for fuck’s sake. His wailing voice sings penned words that are out to kill your heart with his lethal sirens. Never ever arm an emo person with pen and paper and a guitar. This is what happens. He preaches a religion no sad soul is ever safe from. His sermons include: “I hope the love he gave you / Was just enough to save you / You nearly broke my heart / Just look at what you’re tearing apart” from Stab My Back and “I’ll be fine / You’ll be fine / Is this fine / I’m not fine” from Dance Inside. And this song comes with a catchy rift too. What else? Moving on from an ignorant ex: “Trust you is just one defence / For the list of others you don’t make sense / Beg me time and time again / To take you back now but you can’t win” and “I’m holding on but letting go of you” with Straitjacket Feeling. One of the selected few emo songs I dwell on when I need a good cry. His cracking voice, the powerful strings at the back and the crooning backups you fail to take note of but yet are strong enough to reach your subconscious. Strings instruments do something watery to my eyes every freaking time. In Can’t Take It, he relies solely on strong piano and strings. And he decided to sing more wholeheartedly. If the timing is wrong and he seems to hit every note in your heart just right, do not be surprised to find tears in your eyes.

So Long, Astoria
The Ataris
2003

1. So Long, Astoria
2. Takeoffs and Landings
3. In This Diary
4. My Reply
5. Unopened Letter to the World
6. The Saddest Song
7. Summer '79
8. The Hero Dies in This One
9. All You Can Ever Learn is What You Already Know
10. The Boys of Summer
11. Radio #2
12. Looking Back on Today
13. Eight of Nine
14. I Won't Spend Another Night Alone
15. My Reply (Acoustic)

I cannot get enough of them. I bought this album when I was all choked up with my college assignments at one point. I had this weird pact going on where I would only buy an album if I have listened to at least two songs from that album and like them. I did no such thing for this album. And I must say, I am proud that I bought the album anyway. I can still remember myself backing my car out of the front porch with the opening introduction of So Long, Astoria booming from the speakers. My fingers go on a frenzy on the steering wheel and the songs are always the same at the same traffic lights.

They have come a long way. I might have heard of them some place down the line and forgotten about them but I bet this is their best album yet. I have taken notes of their older songs and none of them were as good as those on this album.

Their guitars and drums are strong. Very very strong. One of the reasons why I love them so much. You can so see them spinning and jumping on stage while performing. It is some emo band camp move, I swear. They are probably one of the bands I would love to see live some day. See the hidden track I Won’t Spend Another Night Alone. The fucking drummer played in triplets. Sometimes, I cannot even hit my hand quick enough on the wheel let alone coordinate all four limbs on the percussion set to begin with.

I love bands with wonderful lyrics. No bands can ever catch my heart the way they write their words. Writing school dropouts or whatever but if the pieces are joined just right, you have my all. The Ataris has the most memorable and original lyrics to go around for decades. In This Diary held what I would like to call my motto for life. Either that, or it is just a chance for me to be less of a perfectionist and laze around just a little bit on the couch watching TV rather than studying. “The only thing that matters is just following your heart / And eventually you’d finally get it right”. It may have gotten me through some really low points of my life when indecision ruled my ass like no other.

See, The Ataris is all about having fun. They are post-mortem of sorts because they sing of a nostalgic past when they have the best years of their lives thrashing hotel rooms and having sex in old high school classrooms. How kids were so in love they would settle for a marriage at a drive-thru and a couch not big enough for two is already sufficient for the heart. So Long, Astoria, In This Diary, Summer ’79, All You Can Ever Learn is What You Already Know, Radio #2, Looking Back on Today… Practically the entire album, really. All You Can Learn holds a special spot in my heart with the rock out ending and true lyrics. It is also the first ever song I noticed with a fucking long song title. That was until The Fallout Boy beat them to it. And then, Panic! At The Disco. “Fell in love with his Keno waitress / They honeymooned in Memphis / They were married by the drive-up window” and “You’d be saddened to know that the train tracks you once walked as a young boy / Are now nothing but a graveyard” and “Please don’t forget who you really are / ‘Cause nothing really matters when we’re gone”. All-American goodness indeed and boy did Kris screamed at the top of his lungs for this one.

They did a better remake for The Boys of Summer like whoa. I caught their video once. So yeah, maybe I might have gotten hooked with them back then. That was when I really took notice of them. The video was nothing significant but the song sticks nonetheless. Another one of those good times songs. Altogether now: of a nostalgic past.

To end with more of their original lyrics, there is Eight of Nine: “When half of all your prayers are insincere / The other half are lies”. Hmm. Sounds familiar. Which is why I seldom pray now. Rephrase: do not pray now. The song title might be indicating the nine lives of cats. I might be wrong.

Oh, the band has one of the best CD sleeves too. Collages of sorts with letters and diary entries that inspired the very words you are listening to. Ticket stubs and hospital wristbands. Photos. Nothing speaks clearer than photos.

The Ataris means well. Fresh out from their growing up years and still clad in Levi’s jeans and worn Chuck Taylors, in between lines of memories they speak of advices. Not those given to you theoretically or through mere speculations. But those given to you by people who have been there, done that. And came out on the other side. Alive.

Life. It is just a recurring nightmare again and again. He just decided to pick different characters to make things look versatile. Frankly, He is not really creative to begin with.

If The Ataris sounds like something up your alley, try The Lights are Out in NYC off the Spiderman 2 soundtrack. “If I could have one wish tonight / I’d wish upon a satellite / And bring it back to you / Bring it back to you”. Just. Yes.

Plans
Death Cab For Cutie
2005

1. Marching Bands of Manhattan
2. Soul Meets Body
3. Summer Skin
4. Different Names for the Same Thing
5. I Will Follow You into the Dark
6. Your Heart is an Empty Room
7. Someday You Will Be Loved
8. Crooked Teeth
9. What Sarah Said
10. Brothers on a Hotel Bed
11. Stable Song

Ames hates everything associated with this band. She hates it when I play their album in the car and when I listen to it 3,000 miles across the globe. I just cannot get enough of them. They are one of the two of my favourite emo artistes, as I have once mentioned to Esther. Just like most of the bands I love, their lyrics are original and touchy. Ben Gibbard has a quirky way to bring forth his lyrical talents.

“If I could open my arms and span the length of the isle of Manhattan
I'd bring it to where you are, making a lake of the East River and Hudson
If I could open my mouth wide enough for a marching band to march out
They will make your name sing and bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings”

He is just amazing that way.

I have been trying to find out more about them ever since I took note of their unique band name. What it truly means I will never find out. The first Death Cab song I have ever came across was Lowell, MA. An online acquaintance was posting songs with titles with names of places around the world. From then onwards, I downloaded pieces of their songs here and there until my Eskimo friend did me the decency of sending the entire album. Then, for peculiar reasons none of my friends but my CD store guy will ever understand, I went ahead and purchase their album when I saw it on the shelves. He said, “True music fans will always want to feel this satisfaction of holding a CD physically.” I could not have agreed more.

I missed out on the episode when Summer teased Death Cab to be a one man emo band with a lot of problems and a guitar. Seth went defensive, of course. That would be the cutest thing I have ever heard.

What else can I say about this band but their uncliche words. There is nothing spectacular in their musical rhythms and beats. Nothing out of the world with wailing guitar rifts and fancy drum sequences. What Death Cab will always hold close to their hearts are the words they put in their mouths to sing. Ben just has his own special way of portraying his feelings in shapes and lines nobody else will ever think of. His mentality is just in another world big enough for one. I can list a line or two of my favourite lyrics in every song on this album. But I shall not go overboard and post complete lyrics of all songs. Not everyone likes emo songs, this I know. Whether or not I understand is really a completely different matter. “And I knew your heart I couldn’t win / ‘Cause the season’s change is a conduit / And we left our love in our summer skin” from Summer Skin. “Love of mine / Some day you will die / But I’ll be close behind / I’ll follow you into the dark” from I Will Follow You into the Dark. This is probably the sweetest song a person can ever sing to his/her significant others. I have an unofficial list of songs I would like to have my beloved sing to me in the unforeseeable future. And this song is on the list. "You may feel alone when you're falling asleep / And every time tears roll down your cheeks / But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet / And someday you will be loved" from Someday You Will be Loved. This song may be out to comfort lonely souls but for me, it does not quite work that way. "'Cause at night the sun in retreat made the skyline look like crooked teeth in the mouth of a man who was devouring us both" from Crooked Teeth.

I found an instantaneous favourite in What Sarah Said with its repetitive broken chords of a piano. I so shamelessly took the lyrics to class one day when my tutor asked for our favourite poems or song lyrics. It was the first thing that came into my mind. I have forgotten all about Henry Scott Holland’s Death is Nothing At All. I listen to this song whenever I need a good cry for my emo soul; one of the few on my self-constructed playlist. This is me with lyrics. I will fall in love with the lyrics without knowing what the entire story is all about until I am well into the hundredth repeat. It never really registered into my head that Ben was singing something as simple as sitting in the waiting room at the hospital anticipating bad news about his dying lover in the other room just like everyone else in the same room. Rarely musicians do that – pause in a single moment in life’s time and write a song about it – and pull it off. “As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me / Away from me” and “It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds” and “But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all”. And. “Love is watching someone die”. The music continues with Ben echoing painstakingly, “So who’s gonna watch you die?”. The percussion’s light cymbals chiming away along with the steady drum beats, the piano’s repetitive broken chords…

Transatlanticism is another good Death Cab album to dwell in. I have a few tracks on my playlist and they are doing justice. I am uncertain of their earlier albums but I am guessing you cannot really go too far off with them. It might be a good idea to get your hands on Directions, a DVD with videos directed by different directors using songs from Plans. You can also find a more upbeat and techno-ish Ben Gibbard in The Postal Service. If not, look him up doing solo projects. Here, you are back to more Death Cab-like styles.

Their tones are relaxing and basic. Nothing really fancy to show off but just lyrics that comes as naturally as rolling off the good side of your bed with dishevelled hair in the morning. So maybe Summer is right; an emo man with a whole lot of problems and a guitar. Ben can do well merely busking the streets with his beat up guitar and the case wide open, welcoming pennies and quarters. If he is lucky enough, maybe a dollar or five. You may find me sitting nearby every day after long hours of classes enjoying his talents over a cup of takeaway coffee. I would buy him another after I have found out which caffeine he prefers.

Hybrid Theory
Linkin Park
2000

1. Papercut
2. One Step Closer
3. With You
4. Points of Authority
5. Crawling
6. Runaway
7. By Myself
8. In The End
9. A Place for My Head
10. Forgotten
11. Cure For the Itch
12. Pushing Me Away

Meteora
Linkin Park
2003

1. Foreword
2. Don't Stay
3. Somewhere I Belong
4. Lying From You
5. Hit the Floor
6. Easier to Run
7. Faint
8. Figure.09
9. Breaking the Habit
10. From the Inside
11. Nobody's Listening
12. Session
13. Numb

Asia’s favourite rock band. Of all time. Hands down. Period. Whenever they make a slight hint of stopping by any of the Asia countries, you will see competitions grazing television channels and newspapers, giving fans grateful opportunities to experience their godliness. Their shadows are an addictive drug itself, where fans are turned into slews of insanity streaks moshing and jumping and screaming at the top of their lungs along with Chester, as if what he has been doing to ruin his voice box is never enough he needs reinforcements.

I, for one, have been lucky enough to attend their concert when I was 19. I am a snobbish girl. I would rather spend more attending a concert in Singapore but not the one they had in Kuala Lumpur in the dying month of 2003. But I was stressing with my assignments and I needed somewhere to go. Linkin Park ever so conveniently decided to have one more gig in Singapore and my birthday was just around the corner it was far too easy to obtain a free ticket from Ames. Everything just fell into place. This is obviously something triggered by desperation and determination. There is no such thing as coincidence.

It was the best concert I have ever attended. I got squashed and I came out a better person smelling of everything/everyone around but me. I mean, I met Mike Shinoda in person the next day at Shaw Centre. I shook his hand and I got his autograph. Yes, be jealous. Be very jealous. Come hunt me down and rob me blind.

Linkin Park has a serious problem with the world. Or more specifically but yet ever so indistinctively, an anonymous you. The lyrics speak of the same theme every time. Accumulated animosity on this you person with no name nor a face, hatred pouring in between lines of artistic words, and then, seeing the better side of the world for letting go of you, moving on without you. Always the same old story of angst and morbidity. The you may be fictional, a battered wall of sheer imagination. Or someone real. One person. A whole crowd of people. Never certain.

Their lyrics are somewhat therapeutic. They speak of medication. They speak of survival. They speak of better off. They speak of a hero hidden beneath ruined lives and pressured souls. The words bring forth hope and possibilities. Sometimes. Most of the time it is about the process they are going through. The shaky grounds they stand on. They faces they would like to spit at. It is therapeutic. Because they smoked weed and paused frames of tortured moments and wrote a song for every snap. Maybe we do not want solutions. Maybe all we ever need is an output. Words to scream. Songs to sing. Because there will never be solutions and an end to a suffering life. Woe is me.

They write the prettiest lyrics ever. If I can describe their lyrics to you with such inarticulation, I will tell you they are graffiti artworks on peeling walls by dampened streets. Those with the fanciest curves and lines. Those with shiny surfaces screaming suicidal yet not really. Because somewhere around the corner, there is another suicide note. You wonder when will it ever end. Will he ever kill himself. This is their suicide notes of sorts. Saving themselves before they see a sharp blade cutting skin too deep. They remind me a lot of my final high school years, when stress are faceless people and blurry forms you can never find focal and point a finger at. There is no starting point and sometimes you wonder if there will be another end of the tunnel. Drowned in times like these you find deep within yourself a darkness you never knew hidden. Frankly speaking, words I wrote back then still scare me at times. There is a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment. But Dr Jeckyll has never been fond of Mr Hyde. You never really want a monster to be unleashed too often. Or do you.

“Graffiti decorations / Underneath a sky of dust / A constant wave of tension / On top of broken trust” from Runaway. “If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer / Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer” from By Myself. “I watch how the moon sits in the sky / In the dark night shining with the light from the sun / The sun doesn’t give life to the moon / Assuming the moon’s gonna owe it one” from A Place for My Head. “In the memory you’ll find me / Eyes burning up / The darkness holding me tightly / Until the sun rises up” from Forgotten. “I put all the pain you gave to me on display / But didn’t realise / Instead of setting it free / I took what I hated and made it a part of me” from Figure.09. “Rise from the ashes of stylistic division / With these non-stop lyrics of life living / Not to be forgotten / But still unforgiven” from Nobody’s Listening. To name a few. Can you see the colourful blends? Can you picture a wall of so much pain? They are vain because they think they can do so much better of the people around them. They are vain because the world revolves around them and they have to carry the burden. They are really vain. Just like you.

Linkin Park is a great hybridisation of rock and rap. And a little bit more. You hear Chester Bennington screaming like a typical emo band lead singer with a voice so very close to break and never ever healed from the huskiness. Lowly, you hear Mike Shinoda rapping, chanting. His dropped vocal merged ever so well with Chester’s like clay to mold, like peas to pod. If you are not busy trying to catch up with Mike’s frantic rap, you are trying your hardest to shriek your God given voice box out of your throat. Their musical style goes very electronically. They rely on Jo Hahn’s squeaky turntables and special effects a lot. Wheezing. Dreaming. Beating. Singing. Technologically. Something you can nod your head to, tap your finger to, surrender our heart to.

They are a heart full of talents. Lyrically. Musically. Artistically. I like the CD sleeve for Meteora. The cover is awesome and the booklet runs pages over pages of fine graffiti artworks they have done themselves. Have you seen the music video for Pts.Of.Athrty? It was marvellous work. Jo Hahn has been blessed twice over. I wish I am an artist. Not only was the video made up of creativity, the remixed version of the song pwned harder than the original version from Hybrid Theory. I love it.

I have a couple of friends who find Linkin Park wrong. But I like them. They are good talents blended into one. Although they are not versatile but they have something good I will always go back for. However, it is another story for Fort Minor.

If you may, check out Reanimation loaded with remixes of selected songs from both the albums mentioned above. Collison Course is another well-worth album to check out. Featuring Jay-Z from the Hip Hop world, they have done a pretty good job blending two songs of both artistes into one. However, I would not be one to recommend you Fort Minor's works. Chester is missing but other than that, it still sort of drips of Linkin Park because of Mike. Then again, I could be wrong; I have not really checked them out.

Photo credits: Amazon.com

The great indoors

"It's the mother of us all. The reason we get up in the morning. The appliance that broadcasts so much love and demands nothing in return." - Glarkware.com

There was a time when I would laze around at home watching TV. I would get a little too lazy to dress up and go out. Most of the time because there is nothing much to do outside anymore and what is left is the good companionship of an idiot box and a thousand possibilities in alternate universes.

There is a television of 27- or 29-inch goodness with a mini home theatre system I can never figure out what sound comes from which one of those tiny speakers, and a PVC couch that gets uncomfortable to sit on sweltering hot days. Sometimes, if the electronic fan above my head provides just enough coolness, I can doze off watching MTV or Channel V or some random movie on one of the movie channels. If not, I would always sleep on the floor.

Other times I would be upstairs in my parents’ bedroom watching from a television set expired three times in its life. I would be there because I am too lazy to head downstairs or when the family is watching some Singapore or Hong Kong drama and I would rather watch Charmed or One Tree Hill. I am always the odd one out. Thus, the black sheep retreats to a lonesome confinement upstairs watching a series as equally dramatic as those downstairs.

Here, I have merely a television older than the one in my parents’ bedroom, delicately preserved from the 70’s. I itch for hometown’s satellite television of channels going by hundreds when I am reduced to only three channels to surf on idle days. Actually, I would rather sit in front of my laptop for hours than channel surf three pathetic channels. There is a constant rivalry between Channel 7 and Channel 9. Once, Channel 9 aired a commercial clearly dissing Channel 7 and later in the evening, the latter channel did the same showing Channel 9 news people snort-laughing and bit back “who’s laughing now?” Channel 10 stands at the side watching the catfight and laughing his head off.

1. The O.C

My guilty pleasure.

I remember once proclaiming “I just watch One Tree Hill. I don’t watch The O.C.” I said that because One Tree Hill was the only show airing back home. But when the season ended and The O.C was ready to fill in, I so eagerly awaited its premiere. I am such a hypocritical ass.

I jumped ahead of time in the Orange County land when I moved here. Back home we were just easing into the first season. When I got here, I did not even know how ahead the Aussies were. A lot has happened – not surprising for shows along this line, things just happen to take place in dramatic speed – and it took me a few episodes to find my bearing.

Again and again I will not put this show on top of my list because clearly everything is predictable and too surreal. Much like One Tree Hill, I can still see my double-you-tee-eff expression (although without a mirror needed to check my reflection) when Lucas Scott announced he would like to escape town with Uncle Sam (Haha, OK I know that is not his name) and Mommy later sat him down and threw him a line, which I guess should be tear-jerky: “There is only one tree hill.” Tear. Sheesh.

So yes, The O.C. Ryan Atwood/Cohen adapted a very dorky hairstyle in the third season. Seth Cohen still as adorably geeky with the ever chatty girlfriend Summer, whom I have grown to love since the first season’s bitchiness. Marissa Cooper. Hmm. One real fucked up girl indeed. But well, everyone knows what happened to her in the end so all’s well I hope.

I stuck with this show because there is seriously nothing better to watch on TV. Secondly, is the same reason I do with One Tree Hill. The soundtrack and background music. They are buried in a genre I love thus I stuck around and downloaded all of The O.C’s mix soundtracks save the third. I was crazy enough to hunt down the ultimate playlist for One Tree Hill. Who knows? I may do the same for The O.C.

There are also times – lately, every time - when I cry along with the songs because it hit too close to home and I just empatised too well. Sometimes, it can be this real.

2. Lost

The one show I watch going down the drain.

I hopped on the bandwagon way before Malaysia bought the show for AXN. I watched the entire first season on my 17-inch monitor screen and plugged to my old earphones. It could be a bummer when Torrents is acting up and I do not get the week’s show in one day’s time. Thursdays were long for me in college and Fridays were ungodly early. If the seeds served me right, I could watch the show past midnight. If not, I would have to suppress my anticipation until I come home from classes on Fridays.

My eyes were the widest. My breaths were a few minutes lost. My mind was always manipulated. My tears were never spared. The first season took my breath away and sailed Michael’s raft to the middle of the ocean.

My excitement for the second season died with the first episode. I did not hog the computer refreshing the Torrents page hoping to see a new episode up soon anymore. I found myself procrastinating till Monday to download the latest episode once. It became nonchalant. I was not really well into this season and I was off to Australia already. Here, they are a few episodes later than the U.S airtime so I rewatched some five episodes before a new one. They were already done with the finale and the Aussies were just cutting Claire some slacks. Mind you, being behind is not a big deal for me, seeing that I would eventually watch them all anyway. If I stay clear of the online communities I will risk myself being spoiled. There may be some satisfaction to finally watch the show on television too.

The tears do not fill up enough to spill all over for this season. Regardless, it is still one I will follow through. The producers are smart enough to create backstories and I love backstories. And messed up characters you would always hold your heart out for. There are so many puzzles to piece together and so many questions unanswered. Friends have asked me this and that as they watch some random episode. I can never answer well because even I myself do not really know what is going on. And that is the beauty of Lost. Not knowing anything. Because the whole picture will not be revealed until the lastest episode of all. And everyone in the whole wide world will be in one accord going “Oh…!”

3. The Amazing Race

Well, they started a new season and ever so conveniently came after Lost. So, I thought what the heck. The last time I watched this show was a long time ago and it was the first season and the gay couple won. After that, I failed to catch the new timeslot and just like that, I have missed seven seasons.

I love this show because they travel and I would love to travel around the world someday. See the boundless horizons of thousand sunsets and maybe find a home sweet home I never knew I have in the great outdoors. So I smile enthusiastically at the marvellous destinations and make a mental note to visit the place one day. I have so many yellow stick-on’s in my head I doubt I can remember all. In fact, I may have forgotten everything because I am as hopeless as Dory. I cannot remember to save my life.

I could not have cared less for the teams, really. Of course I would find myself favourites and hope they win. Most of the time, I anticipate the detours, roadblocks and occasional fastforwards. No doubt the nail-biting anxiety is there as teams rush to the pit stop but the adventure always only begin when they strap on a harness and bungee jump or choose a task over another that is destine to destroy their chance to win. The show manages to bring out the exoticness of the selected countries. This is what I love most about travelling. To get down and dirty with the culture itself. Roll in the mud for good luck or learn a traditional dance. Eat a bowl full of fried crickets or deliver a swordfish on your shoulders and by foot to a busy market.

The wonders of the world. They are an exhibition of pictures around you, waiting for you to open up your eyes. And see.

4. Rove Live

Rove McManus is just the most adorable talk show host ever. (Who would name their sons Rove anyway?) Such a short fellow for an Australian with a contagious smile that reaches his eyes.

I like his introductory stand-ups to kick off the show. They never fail to make me laugh. The jokes always have something to do with the latest happenings around the world. He was the one that pointed out the Channel 7 and Channel 9 public catfight. He just takes it into his court and makes a laughing matter out of it. Because this is how life should be scrutinised at. Funny. Mess something up, take a deep breath and see how ridiculous it looks being all lopsided. Tragedy of the world, see the brighter side of the globe. There is bound to be one. The grass does not grow greener on the other side for no apparent reasons.

Every week there will be a different house band on the podium racking up different versions of Rove’s theme song. All of them I have never heard before. All of them never given too much airtime but only those few seconds when they are back from commercials. But there will be guest performers at the end of the shows. I have seen Pete Murray performed. Jamie Cullum was on too but I could not be bothered to give him a few minutes of my life. Yes, I despise him that much. Ben Harper, The Whitlams, and oh I cannot remember the rest. Heh. Eskimo Joe is playing tonight so there. (Don’t mind me when I say this band never fails to remind me of Damien Rice due to his song Eskimo.)

Sometimes, the guests are boring. Be it those to be interviewed at the couch or by the table. Lately, Rove has been interviewing evictees from Big Brother. I do not watch that show because it is ridiculous period. So I cannot be bothered with the evictees and what they have to say. Depends on how funny the guests are, really. Nancy Cartwright swung by once and she was a doll. Some actor from the U.S came by once too but he was too unfunny and flatlined for me to remember his name. Paul Walker was in the studio once. Ah, I miss him in the latest The Fast and The Furious instalment.

Some spontaneous joke from a not so special episode will stick and for the next five episodes to follow they will be talking about merkins whenever they fucking can.

5. American Dad / Family Guy
The most brainlessly hilarious cartoons ever.

They are from the same production house so once in a while you will notice the same voices in two shows playing out two different characters. Should you give yourself a pat in the back for figuring it out? I do not know. Is it even an accomplishment to begin with? Maybe if you are a loser with no life.

The cartoons come after The Amazing Race. Obviously, Thursday nights are a full marathon for me from 8.30pm till midnight. So the mystery is solved: when my IM replies come fifteen minutes later, it was not because I was busy with my assignments or I have fallen down the toilet. I am merely occupied with the shows on TV.

We do not find these cartoons back home seriously because of its matured content. Characters are beat up till they are bleeding fountains and underage kids are making out with pensioners old enough to die the next day. A talking baby out to conquer the world and an obese guy naked. Don’t worry, you cannot see his penis past his humongous tummy spilling out anyway. The perks of being cartoons. You can be as ridiculous and surreal as possible. I will just laugh.

6. Scrubs

Half an hour of sheer stupidity in uniforms you trust your life and appendix and guts on.

I knew Zach Braff from Garden State and even then, his character was nothing like JD in the series. He did a good job being two sides of the penny. I refuse to take sides.

I skip the show sometimes back home because the timeslot was a little too early for me as I was still having dinner. Unless I have had my dinner, I would watch the show. If not, it will be missed. Same goes over here too. The timeslot is a teeny weeny bit fucked being the last show on the Thursday marathon. If I skip both cartoons mentioned before, I will definitely skip this show too.

As you can see, it is not a very spectacular show to begin with. Thus, the timeslot. Thus thus, constantly missed episodes. However, it is a fun show to watch. The world seen from an intern turned amateur doctor’s eyes. Dealing with issues of relationships and self-discovery and ethical beliefs to forget in order to gain respect from the superiors. Most of the time, it is just a young doctor finding his stance in the big big hospital under the watchful eyes of a creepy janitor and a discouraging mentor.

Oh and I like the introduction song. I had the song once from a mix but I deleted it. I cannot seem to recall the singer’s name. But it is a nice song.

Photo credits: TheOC.org, Wikipedia.org, RoveLive.com.

QUT : Year 1 Semester 1

I will be looking over my shoulder for this one, hoping it will not be too expository till the extent that I will be receiving an email from the administration requesting me to delete this post or else. I will disclose the course subjects but where is the fun in that? However, I shall keep the names initial-wised but then again, it is not as if they switch lecturers and tutors every semester so I guess I am just well fucked.

Class #1: Writing for Creative Industries
As the semester draws to a close, I just learned to dislike the subject more and more. Core subjects have a way of making themselves compulsory and misleading you with the mere word 'creative'. Well, this one is not as bad as another one called Creative Industries - nothing to do with creativity at.all. The professor is most fun one for this semester. He is also my unit coordinator so I have my individual sessions with him regarding academic issues to find out he is just a clown without makeup in a proper suit. Occasionally, his favourite pet rottie will make a cameo appearance on his lecture slides during class. And if you must know, I have a soft spot for dogs period. Lectures can go boring for this as it is the third and last class on Mondays and I just wanted to go home as soon as possible. Even an hour's duration is considered too long for me already. However, there are some laughs ringing true when the professor cracks jokes.

My tutor is something to talk about. I did not know tutors can be that young until I attended his first tutorial class. As he stood at the front of the class, I think I must have dropped my jaw onto the floor. I enjoy calling him my 'Emo Tutor' to my friends due to his emo hair and funky T-shirts underneath his blazer. His muddy chucks pwned my ass on the first day I could not take my eyes off of them. I had to frown when he comes to class with other pairs of shoes but it was all good on the last day when he came in with worn out Chucks in green. Whatever happened to the black muddy ones will forever remain a mystery. Once, he came into class with a striking pink tie. I think I swallowed my tongue when I first saw that. He reminds me of The All-American Rejects' lead singer. Something to do with his bright eyes, I guess. He has a tendency to swallow his words when he talks. I doubt he has lunches before our class. Someone must be holding a remote and as he talks, the person gradually lowers the volume and tunes it back up to the max when he starts a new sentence. He is the first ever person I have met who has a problem with Wikipedia and thesaurus, two of the things I consider the best invention since slice bread for inarticulate writers like me. Imagine my disappointment when he announced, "Look, I know Wikipedia is a marvelous source but no, I cannot accept it in your research essays." I had to go through rows of books in the library just to find definitions for my essay.

Assignments for this subject kind of sucked ass. Readings were interesting but the exercises are just pushing it. We have to write a research essay on whatever our hearts desire. Fresh out from the Malaysian education system, that is already considered too much liberation for me to chew. With my bad times at the beginning of the semester, I came up with a lame topic and had to change it halfway through. Even with that one, I still did not think it is a good idea. The essay seemed to be peeking over my shoulder every fucking time I just wanted it done and over with but yet could not because I just like putting what I hate to do the last item on my list.

Class #2 : Introduction to Creative Writing
My subconscious loves this class. She drags me out from bed in the wee mornings to go to classes, listening to a gay professor speaks words of wisdom that sometimes cracks me up. She also keeps my perseverance strong braving the 5pm cold winds to get to the tutorial classes and rush home just in time to watch Lost. I have never liked timetable gaps this big. I had one back in college and it was a web-designing class. I hated the class so much. The teacher was always late and I was learning things I have learned two years ago. I would be absent forever if I could but the teacher wanted to see website progresses and I had to entertain her with some.

My professor is awesome. I did not quite know what just happened after she so matter-of-factly announced that she is gay. I was quite bleary and when it was said, I had to double back to check with myself if she just said what she did. She referred to sexual intercourses frequent in a lighthearted way and hated Dan Brown's writing as much as I do. "You have one whole page of the Landon guy talking and another whole page of Gandalf replying, then another whole page of the Landon guy talking and at the very end, someone serves tea." Elle em a oh indeed. She challenged the mainstream and is a truest writer I can ever find so far. When I grow up, I want to be just like her. Except maybe, the gay part.

For our tutorial classes, it is just endless of critiques to our own works. I will admit I do not like the fixed deadlines on 4pm every Sunday to submit our weekly writing tasks. The deadlines just conceive crappy works I can muster. I wrote three poems and a short story based on the theme and settings of Margo Lanagan's Singing My Sister Down. Just think of writing fanfictions and you will know which page I am at. My first poem sucks big time ass because I am never a poet, but gotten better with the second and third. I would direct you to links here but I doubt you would be interested. For my short story, I think I killed it on my rewrite. The critiques were constructive. I just put wrong bricks and built an extra horn. It is doomed.

What I love about this class is the critiques. Call me weird but I just love people criticising my works. I would like to hear what they have to say about them and how they would prefer to sound. And vice versa. Going to this class is real life-threatening as well for I reveal so much in my works, especially my poems. I would like to sit my crit group members down over cups of coffee and tell them how I breathed words into them but I felt that it was just giving out too much. I am never one to open up spontaneously. However, it just gets to me when it hits home. I am a fragile girl in these classes. The professor managed to speak things related to my current life so accurately and my poems seem to let out more than I can ever imagined. To be frank, I am a little sad when the class is over. My Thursday mornings will never be the same again.

Class #3 : Film and Television Scriptwriting
I took up this class because it is something new for me. I had been doing Journalism and Public Relation based subjects back in college and Broadcasting subjects are just like another family I never knew. So I took this up. Maybe I am a little disappointed during the first lecture because the lecturer was just way too bored. The lectures were the earliest class for this semester and honestly, I was just there to watch the clips they show as examples. Or else, I would not have bothered at all. Tutorials were alright although sometimes annoying when the tutor requested in-class writing tasks to be done challenging my still blurry creativity. I can never slap up something at the snap of the fingers.

I learn the basics of writing television scripts and just got oh so exciting with the new knowledge in mind. With that, I had to write my very first short film script. Which I totally blew it with a crappy plot. I was quite inarticulate at the beginning of the semester and well into the third or fourth week, we have to already submit a synopsis for the plot we are to scriptwrite. I flipped through my musebook - a notebook I use to jot down any plot bunnies that come to mind just in case I want to write them in the future, and in this case, for the assignment - and found a near suitable plot dealing with a destroyed father and son relationship. Again, not the best idea I can have at hand. I go to workshops every time feeling embarrassed with my amateur script. As I near the due date and have been sitting on it changing it again and again to make it sound less melodramatic, I just could not shake the image of it appearing to be an episode of Home And Away. Worst nightmare ever. Maybe it has to do with me ever so nonchalantly watching the show while having dinner at 7ish. The timeslot just works it is not funny at all. I might be adapting a whacked Aussie accent. Shit.

I enjoy the last workshop I had. We were in groups and we get to bring forth a scene or two that we want opinions on. Members in the group will roleplay the characters and the scriptwriters will hear it out. I was laughing so hard when they did mine. Maybe it was because they were so good that I just laugh like I do while watching soap operas. Which kind of turned out to be bad for me seeing that I am the one who wrote a soap opera. But still, it was fun nonetheless.

Class #4 : Creative Non-Fiction: Travel, Humour and The Arts
The lectures bored me out, save for a few conducted by funny guest lecturers. Most of the lectures were done by guest lecturers dealing with different fields. This subject is kind of like feature writing. Music, fashion, travel, science, humour and so on. The readings were awesome. I read about Anthony Bourdain's true inspiration to be a chef - to bang random girls at the back of the kitchen, for your information - and episodic summaries of The OC. I read about Eminem and detailed fabric textures of T-shirts. I read about an extreme ski trip in Siberia and suicidal notes by popular kill-yourselfs. Best tutorial readings go to this class.

The assignments disrupts my personal writing style a lot. I got beat down on when I saw my first assignment returned with underlined sentence fragments and grammar mistakes. Granted it was submitted without a second eye proofread but you would know how I feel as a writer to see your writing assignment coming back with too many red inks (In this case, green inks). Besides, it was merely a review for Ewan McGregor's documentary Long Way Round. I love this part when I tell my friends I am watching a TV series for my assignment. Hah. "I'm watching a show, ma." "Aren't you supposed to be doing your assignment? Get to it already!" "But, I am. I'm watching a show to do my assignment." Oh my friends are so jealous. I am never wrong when I decided Business subjects are never too nice to take up.

My second assignment is about hometown lala's. I had fun in that one although I spent my rewrite period purging out sources to support my ramblings. It was a chance for me to get even at the younger generations. I dislike them to the core. With the power of words at the tip of my pen (or my beloved laptop), I can write up a storm in a better English they fail to speak of. I might consider putting up the article here in the future. Depends on my egoism towards the piece, really.

Lesson #4

Variatons on the Word Sleep
Margaret Atwood

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of blue green leaves
with its watery sun and three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again and become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
and that necessary.