5AM: January 2008

"My characters will have, after a little trouble, all that they desire." - Jane Austen

Becoming Jane
I have only known Jane Austen by name, and have not read any of her books before. I do not think I am one to like a movie of Old England times. But I find it quite impressive how this movie can draw me in. Perhaps it is because it has so much to do with myself; I have always liked a movie that I can relate to. Although the movie is fictional, but it has, after all, been brought together based on researched facts of Jane Austen's life, so it cannot be that far from the truth.

Jane Austen (starring Anne Hathaway) has a mother (starring Julie Walters) like my own. Someone who seeks only the best for her own daughter, but seems to have conveyed her best interest in desperate ways that may have wounded the daughter's heart. "I could live by my pen, Jane said meekly. "Pen?" Mrs Austen repeated, sounding rather offensive. "Let's knock that notion out of the head once and for all." Not to say that she is a bad mother, because when it comes down to it, in practicality, she is right. She just underestimates the uncommon path her daughter is heading down.

And a father (starring James Cromwell), much like my own. Someone who will always put her daughter's own desires above the rest, no matter how impossible or childish it may seem. Yet, at the end of the day, it was his wife that he sided. Out of fear or out of concern, a daughter may not know. Deep down, he did not want her daughter to suffer the way he did most of his life. Deep down, he knew that his wife is right, as much as it hurt him that it contradicted her daughter's well-wishes. "Nothing destroys spirit like poverty," her father had told her.

Not much has changed since the 18th century. Most authors still do not have the best life. Never mind the famous JK Rowling, or Dan Brown, or John Grisham, or Stephen King. Beneath the few that hogged the New York Times Bestseller list, are the many trampled bodies of unsuccessfully emerging writers. So, the chances of gaining fortune from merely writing books are slim, if not none.

Surely enough, Jane Austen did not marry, keeping true to her word to not wed without affection. But how many writers out there have already succumb to dependence to a significant other of higher income, and how many writers followed her footsteps, remaining in her clouds of romance and succeeded in doing so.

Hunting and Gathering
Compare to Audrey Tautou's earliest works - Amelie and A Very Long Engagement - I do not like this movie much. Probably because it is just like any other romance movie out there: girl hates boy, they started harbouring likeness to each other, like grows to love, yada yada. It does not have the unique plots and characteristics in the previous movies she was in. But I have to give credit to Françoise Bertin (Paulette), for her acting struck a core in me that I never knew still existed.

I have always felt a pang of envy whenever my friends talk about their grandparents with such love in their stories. How well they get along with them elderlies and how much they miss them when they are away studying overseas. I cannot really chip that of my own grandparents because they are not around anymore. And to be honest, I have not been the best granddaughter when they were around either. Which is something I regret, I suppose. Not really something that makes me loose sleep at night, but definitely something that dwells at the back of my head unconsciously.

My heart feels alright when I see old folks walking down the streets around me, or when I see grandmothers fooling around with their grandchildren. I was a rebellious little teenager when I was young, and I often ask myself, would I have gone on alright with my grandmother if she were still around. Would I have learned to love her more. Maybe I will go ask her when I make a trip to her grave at the cemetery. I have a feeling it gets quite lonely up there, regardless of the swelling number of graves spilling out onto the narrow lanes.

Labels: movie, review

This is a year of downloading albums, instead of buying them. This is a year of soundtracks, lots and lots of them. This is a year of instrumentalism, not much of lyricism. This year I bring you album artworks too, and much much more to say for the help I have gotten musically to recuperate from the year before.

The Loves
Fires by Nerina Pallot
Damien Rice had just released 9 Crimes and it was only available for listening at 14th Floor Records. I found her folded neatly next to his new album, and one can never go wrong with a new musician when she shares the same home as Damien Rice. There is a stillness in her voice that is quite unlike Lisa Hannigan's, at a league of her own. I have always liked a singer with a beautiful and distinguishable voice. It is hard not to like her, when she is singing about things that are relative to me. You could say this is the album for me that year. Something about the frustration in life, about the realisation of loss innocence, about the ambition of running away, about the imagination of coming home.
- Idaho.m4a

Welcome to Reality by Ross Copperman
When there is a girl, there is a boy.
I first heard Ross Copperman on One Tree Hill and he just hit all the right notes for me. Granted, he is not the most thoughtful artiste out there. He is pretty much along the lines of James Morrison and The Fray. But he came to me on a night of the greatest despair and that is how he came to earn a spot in my heart. He is one of those male singers with a lovable voice that makes me want to listen to him a little longer and sing along with him. There is a tint of pain in his voice, which he used to his advantage, singing about hope and faith. He just makes my world alright again. And that is what I like about him. Maybe he is just a ghost of a good thing, and I am drawn to him in false pretenses. But he knows what the world will never know. He leaves me dreaming for another day and to wish it all away on January, March, December and May. He reignited my hope for a getaway. He gave me faith for a lucky day. He is not just supernaturalistic, artificial's cup of tea, but he believes in me.
- Believe.mp3

The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place by Explosions in the Sky
I was going through Shaun Tan's graphic novel The Arrival when I was listening to their 13-minute long It is Natural to be Afraid, and I am surprised myself to see how the change of tone in the song coincided with every page I turn and every mood portrayed in the pages. It is quite creepy, to say the least. If they did not get my attention back when I heard them on Friday Night Lights, they certainly got my attention then. Their music is something I have never encountered before in my entire music loving life. They are a breath of fresh air. Instrumental, ambient and technological. all mashed into one. With their haunting guitar and piano, with their catchy bass and percussions, they created a whole new world of emotions you cannot string words together to say. Try staying up late in the night without the lights on and listen to them with your headphones/earphones to get the full closure. You might actually see salvation.
- The Only Moment We Were Alone.mp3

Stay soundtrack by Asche and Spencer
If Explosions in the Sky were the immaculate moon, Asche and Spencer is the dark side of the moon. Taking my recent favoritism of ambient instrumental music to the next level, I decided to track down the soundtrack to the most peculiar movie I have seen. Unlike the former band, the tracks barely made it to the 5-minute length. Short and bittersweet, they delved deep into the most painful memory you hide at the back of your mind, stole them out into broad daylight and made you face all the fear you have been trying to hide from. The songs played their part in the music, making the movie, like so many movie soundtracks out there, complete. They took random noises of wails and squeaks, mixed them with the conventional pianos and strings and guitars and cymbals, and made them into the most aching music one would find to suit one's nightmares. Creepy, yet comforting, at the same time. Comforting sounds.
- I'm Never Gonna Sleep Tonight.mp3

Christmas Eve and Other Stories by Trans-Siberian Orchestra
A different kind of Christmas. The 3306 unit is stifling hot that day and we were playing another round of Mahjong. Shawn had his laptop out in the living room, going through Christmas songs by this particular orchestral band. I have always liked it when two different genres of music get together and create the most mind-blowing hybrid. There are the classical violins that raise goosebumps on your arms with that seasonal serenade. There is the heavy-metallic guitar that makes your toes curl with that soaring whine of a solo. When there are vocals, they remind me strangely of Meat Loaf, the same kind of majesty in the music and the voice. So what they are songs about Christmas. They are worth checking out any day of the year, and don't tell me you have never sneaked into the attic and thrash out your Christmas records to listen in the middle of July.
- Christmas Eve/Sarajevo 12/24.mp3

Becoming Jane soundtrack by Adrian Johnston
I end my year with a blast back to the past. To the very beginning of my musical days when I had loved - and still do - the orchestra. Back to the basics. The bellowing oboe in A Game of Cricket reminds me of the evening before a performance, when a tutor paced around the backstage playing the Swan Lake Suite to calm his nerves. The fumbling flute in To The Ball reminds me of the days when I was still a skilled flutist, and how it aches my heart - like in the song - that I could never have those days back. The quiet pianos in Rose Garden reminds me of the days when I still aspired to be a musician. My fingers itch to touch the yellowing ivory keys at home. Sometimes, they just make it so simple to rekindle a fondness that had grown stale in you, make it seem like anything is possible again.
- To The Ball.mp3

The Likes